Top 10 Things Alice Hates

10. Any food other than pocket gophers

9. Temperatures above 74 degrees Fahrenheit

8. Stepping onto a gloved fist

7. Hugs, petting, and other touching

6. Ceiling fans turning on or off

5. Diesel engines

4. Vacuums, brooms, and mops

3. Cats (even though wild Great Horned Owls eat them!)

2. Dogs (no matter how small)

1. Lawn Mowers

Alice's House Rules

10.  Don't put anything on top of bookshelves, entertainment centers, or other high, flat places unless they can withstand repeated falls to the floor below.

9.  Find the cached gopher head is a game with several potentially serious consequences.  Don't take it lightly!

8.  A properly prepared gopher shall be delivered to Alice's room at 9 PM.

7.  Anything that can be shredded will be, including knick knacks and clothing.

6.  At least one human inhabitant must be at home every night unless its for a darned good reason.

5.  Talking to an owl is normal and expected.

4.  Loud hooting in the middle of the night is perfectly normal.

3.  Pellets can and will show up anywhere.  (N.B. Vertebrae are very sharp when stepped on with bare feet.)

2.  There will always be owl feathers in obscure corners, cobwebs, under furniture, and in the furnace filter.

1.  Poop happens.  If you step in something, its your fault for not watching where you were walking.

10.  It's not very easy to take a vacation...after all, you can't just take an owl with you! 

9.  Owls thoroughly enjoy shredding anything shreddable. 

8.  Mating season involves a lot of all-night hooting. 

7.  Owls don't like to be petted and cuddled.  

6.  Owls do like to play, but their play can be rough. 

5.  Poop, poop, and more poop! 

4.  Feathers and pellets show up in the darndest places.  

3.  Food must consist of whole dead critters, not hamburgers and chicken.

2.  You need to know a LOT about owls to take care of one.

1.  State and federal permits are required to possess owls in North America, and they can only be possessed for education, research, breeding, or rehabilitation purposes.

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